Rewriting toxic stories during a pandemic
“Never postpone joy.”
This is one of my favorite mantras but honestly, I’ve been struggling with it lately…with ALL the feelings lately, as I’m sure many of us are. I’m not only avoiding dark thoughts because they’re just so bad. But I’m also avoiding the joyful ones…
I’m trying to stay positive enough to spread good but not too positive out of respect for all the suffering around the world. My soul self knows it’s ridiculous but I still keep falling in line with guilt/shame stories I’ve written for myself over the years…
We all have these stories. The things we tell ourselves are true. The things that nagging, mean voice in the back of our head says to dampen our mood and justify the things we do that make us feel terrible. It’s so easy to listen to them, right?! It’s so hard to fight the current, not only in our minds but in society (which often echos/inspires these stories).
But it’s possible to fight them. It’s possible to face them head-on and see them for exactly what they are… made up stories.
Here are some of the stories I’m working to rewrite myself…
Story: I’m not allowed to be sad/angry about my cancer and fertility because ultimately, I’m fine. I’m in remission and we have embryos frozen. We have hope and options. There are people truly struggling right now, so I have no right to feel bad. It’s important for me to stay strong and positive.
TRUTH: My feelings are valid. I am going through insanely traumatic experiences. I’m allowed to break, to shatter, to cry, to scream, to crawl in bed…to do whatever I need to do to feel these feelings and shift my stagnant energy. When I do this, it creates space for fresh energy.
Story: I’m not doing enough. Ever. While I’m still employed during this crazy time, it doesn’t contribute enough to our family and/or the world. I am not worthy of feeling good because I haven’t earned it.
TRUTH: That’s bullish*t. I do not have to be any certain way to be loved, accepted, or worthy. I contribute every day in my own ways.
Story: I shouldn’t share my joy because others are feeling so down and it may make them upset. I am right to feel guilty for my abundance of love, light, hope, and anything good that happens.
TRUTH: My frequency is a gift. *OUR FREQUENCY IS A GIFT.* And mine is something I can share to help lift others up. Life can be amazing and awful, and I will not waste the amazing by minimizing it. Light brings light. Joy brings joy.
It’s a wild ride and we’re all just trying to get through it. I’m truly grateful for all who have/are helping me along the way. I’m working with Katie B. of Real Rebel Podcast, my therapist, and close friends and they’ve all be so supportive. I’m also truly grateful for all of you. Yes you, reader, whoever you are, wherever you are – for living through this crazy, wild, frustrating, beautiful life with me. And for making it through this long-ass post if you made it.
Looking forward to sharing more joy and truths with you along our amazing journey. 💕